Venting

                                          I just need to vent today [ it'll probably be more like a rant, but venting sounds better.] With the holidays, work and school break Mr. D and I can't seem to find much time to ourselves. I had hoped that with me starting vacation yesterday that we could make some time, but our youngest just doesn't seem to want to cooperate.
                                            Our oldest is house/dog sitting for one of my siblings who is out of town and I suggested to our youngest that she might want to go stay with her sister last night. "You just want to get rid of me so you can have sex!" she cried. Well yeah, but that's not the only reason. We also have things- important things we need to talk about that are hard to discuss with other people around to distract or interrupt. Of course she doesn't understand this all she hears is we don't want you around. I know she's having a rough time now, most of her friends have boyfriends right now and you know as well as I do that for teenage girls the boyfriend tends to come first so she feels left out and even when she is invited along she doesn't want to go because she feels like the fifth wheel.
                                            I don't want her to feel cast aside, but we truly need some alone time. I've brought up to Mr. D the fact that I need for our D/s dynamic to become full time and I've given him some information to read and process, but it's not exactly something we can discuss with our kids around. We also have some financial concerns to discuss- i have always been in charge of the checkbook and the bills, but with work being slow for Mr. D, my pay freeze for the last six years and the higher cost of our healthcare insurance and everything else things are spiraling out of control and that will be one ugly conversation. Mr. D is up for a new job and I'm praying it comes through otherwise I don't know what we'll do if we don't get another regular income coming in.
                                               I'm actually dreading this conversation, Mr. D has been self-employed for a number of years- something that I had misgivings about, but supported. But it's hard to budget when you don't have a set paycheck coming in every two weeks. With the downturn in the economy and the fact that his knees and back can't tolerate the type of work he does our income has suffered. I know that's not his fault and I didn't want him to feel discouraged, so even though I've told him before that my paycheck alone can't cover all the bills alone and I've made some cutbacks where I can it's still not enough and I haven't been completely forthcoming about where we stand .
                                                To be honest I harbor some resentment towards him. I hate having to bear the the lion's share of our finances. I hate that I had to increase my hours at work and that I want to leave my job , but can't find anything without taking a paycut and since we can't afford it I'm trapped.I know I am partly responsible for our situation , but right now I'm ready to hand over the checkbook and all the bills and tell him you figure it out! I won't do that though, we'll sit down and figure it out together that's if we can ever find some time alone to sort all of this out.
                                               So I guess I'll just have to inform my youngest that she's going to have to go spend some time at her aunt's while her father and I try to figure all of this out. I know that she'll bitch and moan and cry that it's not her fault she doesn't have a life and that it's not fair that she has to go when she doesn't want to, but if we don't get a chance to deal with this stuff I think I'll lose my mind. I'll probably need a good spanking after the argument with her and then again after Mr. D and I finally talk about all of this.  Maybe I'll wait till after we've had some playtime first so that we'll both be in a good mood.
                                               I told you this was going to be more of a rant, but it helps getting all of that out .