Venting

                                          I just need to vent today [ it'll probably be more like a rant, but venting sounds better.] With the holidays, work and school break Mr. D and I can't seem to find much time to ourselves. I had hoped that with me starting vacation yesterday that we could make some time, but our youngest just doesn't seem to want to cooperate.
                                            Our oldest is house/dog sitting for one of my siblings who is out of town and I suggested to our youngest that she might want to go stay with her sister last night. "You just want to get rid of me so you can have sex!" she cried. Well yeah, but that's not the only reason. We also have things- important things we need to talk about that are hard to discuss with other people around to distract or interrupt. Of course she doesn't understand this all she hears is we don't want you around. I know she's having a rough time now, most of her friends have boyfriends right now and you know as well as I do that for teenage girls the boyfriend tends to come first so she feels left out and even when she is invited along she doesn't want to go because she feels like the fifth wheel.
                                            I don't want her to feel cast aside, but we truly need some alone time. I've brought up to Mr. D the fact that I need for our D/s dynamic to become full time and I've given him some information to read and process, but it's not exactly something we can discuss with our kids around. We also have some financial concerns to discuss- i have always been in charge of the checkbook and the bills, but with work being slow for Mr. D, my pay freeze for the last six years and the higher cost of our healthcare insurance and everything else things are spiraling out of control and that will be one ugly conversation. Mr. D is up for a new job and I'm praying it comes through otherwise I don't know what we'll do if we don't get another regular income coming in.
                                               I'm actually dreading this conversation, Mr. D has been self-employed for a number of years- something that I had misgivings about, but supported. But it's hard to budget when you don't have a set paycheck coming in every two weeks. With the downturn in the economy and the fact that his knees and back can't tolerate the type of work he does our income has suffered. I know that's not his fault and I didn't want him to feel discouraged, so even though I've told him before that my paycheck alone can't cover all the bills alone and I've made some cutbacks where I can it's still not enough and I haven't been completely forthcoming about where we stand .
                                                To be honest I harbor some resentment towards him. I hate having to bear the the lion's share of our finances. I hate that I had to increase my hours at work and that I want to leave my job , but can't find anything without taking a paycut and since we can't afford it I'm trapped.I know I am partly responsible for our situation , but right now I'm ready to hand over the checkbook and all the bills and tell him you figure it out! I won't do that though, we'll sit down and figure it out together that's if we can ever find some time alone to sort all of this out.
                                               So I guess I'll just have to inform my youngest that she's going to have to go spend some time at her aunt's while her father and I try to figure all of this out. I know that she'll bitch and moan and cry that it's not her fault she doesn't have a life and that it's not fair that she has to go when she doesn't want to, but if we don't get a chance to deal with this stuff I think I'll lose my mind. I'll probably need a good spanking after the argument with her and then again after Mr. D and I finally talk about all of this.  Maybe I'll wait till after we've had some playtime first so that we'll both be in a good mood.
                                               I told you this was going to be more of a rant, but it helps getting all of that out .

OWNED

                                 When we first started down this road I told Mr. D that my body belonged to him. I remember telling him that it was his to do with as he pleased and that I would willingly comply with his requests. Since then I have washed and sucked his cock  whenever he has requested. I have sunk to my knees and had my face fucked because that was his pleasure . I have been bent over and had my bottom spanked till it was cherry red and been bound and had wonderfully wicked things done to me that gave both of us much pleasure even if at first I was somewhat nervous or uncomfortable.I have truly enjoyed being his, but until last night I don't think I really understood what it felt like to really belong to him, to be owned.
                                    Mr. D snuggled up next to me in bed and his hands started to roam.At first just caressing my behind then his fingers were lightly wandering up and down my spine while he nuzzled my neck and then his hands started teasing my nipples and the nightgown came off. I rolled on to my back and he brought one hand around me so he could have access to both breasts.After he mercilessly teased me for what seemed like forever one of his hands wandered further south and he dipped his fingers into me and I was so wet. he began to rub my clit and I thought oh yes I am so ready. His other hand went to my throat - no choking or even  real pressure, he just kept his hand so that i felt it. Then he replaced his hand with mine and said to me "I want you to rub My pussy, I want you to make My pussy cum."
                                    Normally I  feel very self conscious and uncomfortable when he asks me to masturbate for him, but for some reason I didn't feel that at the moment. He kept his one hand at my throat the entire time while his other hand alternately was in my mouth while I sucked his fingers  or tortured my nipples or dipped back into his pussy. All the while asking me if I wanted to suck his cock and when I told him yes I wanted to suck his cock he told me that if I was a good girl and made his pussy come he would let me have a taste of his cock. True to his word he allowed me to lick and suck his cock for a few moments telling me that was all I could have for tonight.
                                      Afterwards we snuggled up my head on his chest and his arm around me. I told him that that whole experience felt different that it made me feel owned and he replied "That's because you are owned - by me." I snuggled in even closer with a smile on my face and feeling very safe and secure. Feeling owned is a good feeling, but hearing him say those words makes it feel so much better. He owns me- I belong to him.
                                 

Ready For Christmas

                                             I'm ready for Christmas- I think I'm ready anyway. I've baked cookies all though I did ruin one batch and didn't get a chance to bake another. Most of the presents are wrapped, unless  I hid some and have forgotten about them. I've done this in the past and found presents months later while cleaning out a closet or looking for something else.The tree and the house are decorated, but I can't find the Christmas rugs I usually put out. I bought groceries yesterday - I hope I got everything on the list. Today I cleaned the house so it will be presentable for company Christmas morning.
                                               I'd like to relax and enjoy the next few days, but Ihave to work tonight tomorrow and Christmas Eve. I'll be okay as long as Mr. D and the kids can keep the house clean, no one eats the food I brought for the dishes I'm making  and I just  realized that I don't have a gift for my oldest's boyfriend [ they broke up a while ago, but they're sort of seeing each other again and she informed me he's coming for Christmas dinner.] Oh well I guess I'm not quite as ready as I thought. Perhaps Mr. D will pick something up for him if I ask very nicely. Enough whining- I have to finish getting ready for work.
                                                Merry Christmas everyone and God Bless.
                                                              Love Mrs. D
                                             

Feeling Confused

                                                  I'm feeling confused today, which anyone who knows me will  tell you is nothing new. But today my confusion is different, I should be happy and grateful that Mr. D and I seem to be on the same page, but I'm also frustrated with myself  and sad for my husband because for years I've been unknowingly denying him an important part of himself.
                                                     Like most people I was ignorant to what BDSM, D/s ttwd or whatever you want to call it was really about. I had visions of leather and whips and chains and people willingly allowing themselves to be tortured or humiliated for the gratification of others.To each his own I thought, but definetly not for me.Then I read a book or books - yes you know the ones I'm talking about and my curiosity was piqued. I started to read and research about BDSM and D/s and realized that my preconceived notions were way off base and something about all of this spoke to me.
                                                        Mr. D started to notice subtle changes such as my newfound enthusiasm for giving him blowjobs. He saw one of the books on the end table and asked if I wanted him to cuff me. I paused for a moment then said "May be not handcuffs, they might be too cutting, but..." He just shook his head and chuckled saying "This from the girl who panics if she gets caught up in the sheets."
                                                          I continued to research and drop subtle hints. I was too embarrassed to come right out and ask him to do these "wicked things" to me and I didn't want him to think I was nuts. I worried that he would see this as all about me and what I want. Then last night he dropped a bombshell.
                                                        We had the house to ourselves and I had just finished baking. Unfortunately I royally screwed up this batch of cookies and Mr. D informed me that I should be punished for ruining his cookies. Now he wouldn't really punish me for messing up a batch of cookies, it was just an excuse to play and I happily played along.Afterwards he made an offhand remark that got me thinking so I asked him if he had always thought about this. "Who doesn't think about it- who doesn't want to do dirty things?" Fair enough, we all have fantasies that are just that- fantasies.
                                                        I kept thinking about what he had said and started to wonder if he seriously wanted more all these years. After my shower I sat across from him and asked if this is something he has always wanted. He shrugged and somewhat jokingly, but also somewhat sadly said "It's kind of hard to find someone who will let you tie them up and beat them." I think my heart broke right then. I know what he meant. He doesn't want to harm or beat the shit out of me- he has never hit me in anger. But to be honest if he had said THAT  to me years ago I probably would have run screaming and obtained a restraining order. thankfully I know better now.
                                                    Part of me is so happy that we are enjoying our playtime and he is always coming up with something new and creative. Then there is the other part that feels bad that he was unable to express his needs to me. It saddens me that he didn't feel that he could tell me what he wanted and needed or explain  it to me in a way that wouldn't frighten me off. And then I think maybe I was just too uptight to understand and rather than scare me away he kept his desires to himself. It saddens me to think of all the years we wasted and how my narrow views of the world may have hampered the growth of our relationship and made my husband feel as if his needs and desires were wrong or unimportant.
                                                     The more I think about this the more upset I become. I feel in some way that I have failed him. I know in many respects I've been a good wife, I've backed him in his job choices even when I had misgivings and I've never been one of those wives to say "not tonight I have a headache" . But I can't help but feel as if I somehow I have let him down. He has said nothing remotely like that, but I know how rejected, sad, and alone I would feel if he had not been willing to explore this new dimension in our relationship.
                                                   I only hope that now his needs are being met and that in the future neither one of us will be too embarrassed to speak up. Life is too short and although we've had a pretty good run so far we need to communicate better so that each of us gets what we need.
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Just What I Needed

                                          I had a very bad morning.Apparently just the fact that I was awake was enough to ruin our youngest child's day[Mr. D is an early riser and usually takes our youngest to school.] I made the mistake of trying to pack them a lunch and you would have though t I was trying to poison them.
                                          Needless to say the ride to school was unpleasant, but what was most upsetting was hearing the words "I don't need you anymore." I came home upset and in tears asking what I did that was so horrible and why did our youngest think I was such an awful mother. Mr. D tried to reassure me that I am a good mom and that I had done nothing wrong, but I was still upset.
                                           I decided to take a quick shower and Mr. D instructed me to meet him in the bedroom when I finished. He was standing in our bedroom holding the " monkey stick." I just hugged him and held on." You're holding on really tight, are you afraid of the monkey stick?"he asked.
                                              "No" I said as I let go "I just had a really bad morning."
                                                He leaned me over the bed and after caressing my bottom he gave me several whacks with the monkey stick followed by several smacks with his hand and then the flogger that he made for me.Then he had me lie face down on the bed and placed both sets of rope cuffs about my wrists and ankles. He alternated using his "implements of destruction" on me with caresses to my now red ass, lightly rubbing my back and massaging my neck and shoulders. I could just feel the tension melt away.
                                                When he was satisfied that I had been spanked enough he brought  out a few toys and played with me to his hearts content.  The orgasm that followed was amazing to say the least and I loudly let out all the frustration I had been carrying around all morning.
                                                    This afternoon Mr. D had a conversation with our youngest and I got somewhat of an apology and we talked a bit. I have no illusions that one conversation will solve the  problem overnight, but at least I know  that my Husband supports me and is able to give me just what I need to make me feel needed and wanted.
                                                                                                                                                                       

A Handy Man

                       Mr.D is quite handy- he has quite the artistic streak and is a self proclaimed "master repurposer." He has repurposed many discarded items - yes even from other peoples trash such as furniture, sewing machines, and old license plates just to name a few. He has given new life to these items for our home, the garden and works of art.
                          So often I have seen him derive much enjoyment working on one his projects. He seems to gain so much pleasure from creating something new.For the most part I have usually liked the items he has made and have been a recipient of some of them. However recently we have enjoyed an added pleasure to his creative repurposing and artistic talents.
                           Recently he was excited about a long length of " very pretty and soft rope"- his words not  mine- that he found in a bin at supply store. He talked about it for days and finally went back and bought it. Since then he has not only used the rope to bind me, he has made me a set of "cuffs" and a flogger. I love the flogger, it is very heavy and thuddy- not as pretty as Conina's floggers, but he assures me this was his first attempt and that he will get better.I love it because he  made it just for me.
                           While the weather was still warm he re purposed the cast iron legs from a treadle sewing machine and some old boards and made a table. He added straps that he could attatch cuffs to that way when I'm bent over the table and he's spanking me I can't escape- not that I would want to.When one of our kids saw the table in the garage and asked " what are the straps for?" he quickly responded that the straps were acting as a vice to keep the boards from coming apart till the glue dried. Sounds plausible right?
                               I've always appreciated  his creative streak, but never as   much  as I do now.I can't wait to see what he comes up with next. In fact he's working on something out in the garage now- I wonder what it could be.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                

Introductions

Hello everyone in blogland my name is Mrs. D and after lurking for months  and after reading Fondle's post today I've decided to create my own blog. Please bear with me, my typing skills are non-existent and my computer skills are even worse.

After 25 years of marriage my Husband and I are starting a new chapter in our life. We've been playing with D/s in the bedroom for a little while, but I felt I needed more. Being too afraid to come right out and ask for what I needed I would read him a blog post that spoke to me and finally wrote him a letter.
     
Luckily he didn't look at me as if I had two heads and he actually said it was a nice letter. I'm not sure where we'll go from here, but I guess that's something we'll figure out together.